Basic Keys to a Successful Relationship

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How much effort should be required to make a relationship work? Is there any limit to what you would do to make your partner happy? We should all have our limits, but what yours should be may not always be completely clear. Today, we look at how to put effort in your relationship, without losing yourself in the process.

So where should you invest your effort?

1. Tell Your Partner What You Need – Isn’t your soulmate supposed to know what you need? Yes, they are, but only after you have communicated it very clearly, exactly how you feel and what they can do for you. This takes effort on your part, although it is the only way to find fulfillment with the majority of relationships.

2. It’s Not the Spoon That Must Bend, It’s Yourself – Another problem caused by expectation is waiting for your partner to make things better in the relationship. According to surveys, most cheating spouses believe things could get better if their partner lit a match underneath their romance department. That may sound like a great idea. The problem is, where’s their effort? These are the people who are cheating (it is their problem), and yet they don’t want to be a part of the solution.

3. Romance Isn’t Lost or Found… It’s Earned – There are articles all over the web aimed at helping you regain romance. I’ve got some great news for you: It didn’t go anywhere. You or your partner just haven’t been putting in the effort as you did in the beginning of your relationship. What makes matters worse, research tells us that as a relationship wears on, the oxytocin levels in the brain taper off, and we are left with fewer reasons to find each other sexy. There is no shortcut to romance and passion, other than rolling up your sleeves and setting to work at making your daily routines interesting, playful, and exciting.

When is your effort wasted?

1. Jealousy is a No-Win – For those of you who have been fighting the torment of a jealous partner, this is one area where your effort is being thrown away. Jealousy is rarely caused by the person who is supposedly causing the problem. It is usually a personal problem, caused by a lack of confidence and security. You can’t give your partner self-confidence no matter how hard you try. It’s something they must discover on their own.

2. The Effort to Be Right – Winning arguments is one area where some couples expend an extraordinary amount of energy, yet it’s just bouncing off the walls, and finding its way right down their toilets. Unless you’re listening and communicating with each other clearly, your frustrations are not being used constructively to find a solution to the actual problem.

3. A Strong Work Ethic – Backbreaking hard work may build you a patio in your backyard. However, in relationships, if you set the precedent that you have to work really hard to be successful, you’ll eventually run out of steam. If you’ve ever experienced a partner who was never happy, no matter how hard you tried, you can begin to appreciate the limits to your effort. If you no longer enjoy spending time with your partner, you’re giving too much. Good relationships require effort. Even so, that effort should flow smoothly without causing unnecessary stress and pain in the process.

4. Cutting Your Losses – The idea of “cutting your losses” is popular in business deals and lemon cars, but not so much in relationships. Most of us are cautious with our time. Spending twenty years with a partner and then throwing it away over an affair may be hard to accept. This is the dilemma you face when dealing with an unfaithful partner. According to research, the best way to know if you’re investing your years to a worthy cause is to focus on what you’ll gain, rather than what you’ll lose if you stay. This forces you to take into account what you have to look forward to, which makes it easier to see a dead-end situation.

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