The Swiss-American psychiatrist, Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, found that there are five stages of grief. These stages are found within everything and everyone we love and lose, or risk losing. They come in no particular order, but they arrive as sure as the moon rises. For the sake of this article, we will apply them to a romantic love relationship and the loss of that relationship.
This is the moment when you may deny that anything serious is wrong with the relationship. Regardless of the evidence, you simply refuse to acknowledge that ANYTHING you have put so much of your heart and soul into could possibly go so horribly wrong.
Whether the bargaining is done with the focus of your affection or the deity of your choice, it still boils down to throwing pride out the nearest window and offering often self-effacing deals that, in the end, will only make you feel worse after the relationship breathes its last breath. For instance, “If you stay with me, I won’t (whatever)… no matter how much I want to!” In that scenario, you just offered to give up something you really enjoy for the pitiful attempt of trying to gain favor with someone who, obviously, is more concerned with their needs than yours.
Women are usually told to avoid anger at all costs; it’s not “ladylike.” When a relationship ends, that anger will find a place at the table. Count on it! For men, the release of anger can be even more unstable. Anger is pure, unaltered passion and it should be focused in productive outlets before something genuinely unwanted becomes the result. If you know it is sleeping in that beautiful heart of yours, make sure you recognize it when it arrives and direct it toward a positive outlet: kickboxing, running—something physical and good for your body.
This one can be a bit tricky. Sometimes it’s caused by a chemical imbalance that should be addressed by medical means. Other times it’s temporary—it will pass with a few rounds of ice cream and some good friends to listen. Depression can never be treated through chemical abuse (alcohol or other drugs) or by running into the arms of the next person you meet. Those methods of healing are like putting a Band-Aid on an open artery.
Last but not least, we have acceptance. This stage can take a while to arrive. Sometimes it takes years, but it will arrive. Just as the sun follows the worst storms, acceptance will bring peace. You may never understand what went wrong. You may never forgive the lies and the deceit. You may never forgive yourself for all the signs that told you to get out years earlier. What you will do is heal—if you allow it to happen. You are in charge of this entire process.
Dr. Kubler-Ross blazed a new path for understanding loss and how we deal with it. You can blend this scientific information with the psychic information you receive from a trusted psychic, like me, and find your path into a clear and beautiful future. You found that wonderful love in the first place and you will love again if you allow it.
Be gentle with yourself. It’s not an easy road but it is one that can take you to a place of experience and wisdom like nothing else. Call me and know your heart is in good hands. We will find the road out of the storm together.